the conundrum of being bisexual...
Dan Savage at Bryant Park NYC on Bisexuality (by framboise001)
For anyone wondering if Dan Savage has given up on his bi erasing
Well this is legitimately disappointing. I gather that his stance is “since many gay men use bisexual as a temporary label, we should assume every young bisexual man is lying until time proves otherwise. Thats…. I don’t even have words for how incredibly stupid that is.
BTW I will be getting his book next week and I will try to read it as fast as I can for review here.
~ Sarah
The thing I find most annoying about this is that he bases it on what he did when he was 16, in 1980. The queer world has moved on since then. My mom is a middle school teacher. She teaches openly trans* 12-year-olds. And no one gives a shit. Pre- and early teens are far more open about their orientation than ever before. When a 16-year-old boy today says he’s bi, he’s probably been thinking about it for a long time, talking over his feelings with his friends and partners of various genders and orientations. And he feels there is no shame or disappointment waiting for him should he identify as gay. He could marry a man in 12 States, why would any gay kid feel the need to “soften the blow” by saying they’re bi? Any family that has a problem with him being gay would have an equal problem with him being bi. But most parents these days accept whatever their kids’ orientations are. But coming out as bi isn’t like coming out as gay, because most people would accept it and treat it as the end of the story. But bi people have to deal with a “to be continued” hanging over their heads as people wait to see “which one” they ultimately “choose”. And this isn’t helped by prominent queer sex gurus telling everyone to “wait and see” about bi teens’ “real” orientation.
once again Dan Savage says It gets better - except if you are bisexual … especially if you are a male-identified bisexual tween/teen or young adult … in that case your STILL just confused and going thru a phase!
also, coming out as bi doesn’t have to be easier on the parents than coming out as gay… my extremely homophobic mother told me it would have been easier for her to accept me having a girlfriend if i was a lesbian because then I wouldn’t have a choice. instead she felt i hurt her more by “choosing” to go against her values. i’ve also had middle-aged people who claim themselves to not be homophobic understanding my mothers point of view when I told them about it (“but you could choose to be with a man”)… it’s tiresomely biphobic and extremely heterosexist.
(via biconfessions)
Being bisexual hasn’t been, and never will be, a very outstanding part of my identity, so having some sort of symbol that tells other people about that part of me was never something that appealed to me. But I realized the other day that the biggest aid in my self-acceptance was knowing I wasn’t alone. And, while I couldn’t care less whether or not people know I’m bisexual, I hope that someday I can help someone through their hard time the same way several strangers and friends helped me through mine.
P.S. Please forgive the pathetic facial hair. I’m fulfilling a promise.
